One day, you will understand that you’re alone.
The truth is that you’ve always been alone, but usually this knowledge comes late to most of us. Parents pass away; partners become strangers; lovers betray us; children grow up. Or you leave them all behind yourself, because you’ve changed. What seemed right yesterday no longer works today.
The details of how it all happens exactly aren’t important. The thing to remember is this: loneliness is always going to be creeping up behind you, like winter. Coming of age means knowing how to be alone, without all the melodrama and self-pity. It’s best to prepare yourself before time.
Everyone apart from close family can be replaced. No one is unique. Let new people into your life, even if you don’t yet understand whether you have a connection or not. One day you’ll understand that you’re alone, and it will save your life.
Try something new, be it food, clothes, films, books, a different route to work, buying a new phone, taking up a new hobby, or getting to grips with a completely different philosophy or religion. We are lazy and complacent by nature. The older we get, the more we want to go to the same places and do the same things; the inclination to deviate from the habitual path disappears. Don’t allow yourself to stick to the same things. Always try something new — especially so when you can’t be bothered, you don’t feel like it, or you’re scared to do so.
Forgive everyone you can for what’s happened, forget about those you can’t. Ignoring people, forgetting about them completely, can sometimes be the best punishment, as well as the best medicine. Don’t bother arguing with them — sometimes, it’s really just not worth it at all. Shit happens. Everyday, to everyone. The difference is in how people deal with it.
Don’t rush anything. Everything that happens quickly doesn’t last for very long. If you want something, you’ll get it, eventually. If you find you don’t want it anymore, then it means you didn’t really need it. Leave risky decisions for another day. Only try something you’re not yet sure about if the desire has been there for a long time already. Life has a weird way of working itself out. You just have to go with the flow, and be chill.
If there’s still something you want out there, don’t give up. Success comes from experience; the more you try, the more likely you’ll get there eventually. If you fail, it’s probably because you just weren’t ready. What often looks like bad manners or disrespect is actually a sign of someone’s experience. Firmness, patience, persistence, independence in your dealings with others — all of this is just building up as you get better at achieving what you want.
Your life is never over, even if it seems like it. Everything that happens is just a stone dropped in the river — it might make a ripple, but it won’t stop the flow. Remember this when you’re in despair, when you’re grieving at the grave of someone close; when you read your lover’s farewell letter. The day will come when you’ll say, ’I got through it!’
Tomorrow might be your last day on Earth. It might sound morbid, but if you think like this, then you willl have the motivation to do all the things in this list.
Do what you want, but look after yourself, otherwise the consequences may come back to haunt you. Get used to understanding what your body needs, and do what it tells you. If you’ve never listened to your body before and don’t understand what it wants, start with something simple like going for a walk, swimming or yoga. Eventually, looking after yourself will become second nature.
Romance, love and passion are wonderful things. But if you mix them up with sex, you might not experience them for a long time — and that’s harmful. Maybe, you just want sex. But always strive to ensure love and romance come with it.
The last thing you should worry about is what others think about you. Most of the time, people think about themselves; if they think about you, it’s mainly only in comparison to themselves — that is, they’re not really thinking about you at all. Don’t stress over people that don’t even deserve to be an issue in your life.
Beware certainty. Certainty is the beginning of decline. You should always doubt that what you’re doing or where you are in life is the best possible thing for you. Always make sure you have the option to change things and try something else. I have my doubts about everything I’ve written here. But for now, I’ll leave it as it is.
There is one thing which I don’t doubt at all, however: You should always keep a hold of your friends. Friends are the only thing which you can never have enough of. One day you will understand that you’re alone, and then your friends will come to see you unexpectedly and say: ’Damn girl, are you mad?! Don’t forget, you’ve got us!’ – And that’s the truth.